That's an act, that's a frying pan, that's a stove, you're an
alcoholic! Dude, I'm tripping right now, and I still see that that's a
fucking egg, alright? I see the UFO's around it, but that's a goddamn
egg in the middle. There's a hobbit eating it, but goddammit that
hobbit's eating a fucking egg! He's on a unicorn. But, no, th- th-
tha- that's a fucking egg. How dare you have a wino tell me not to do
drugs!
How about a positive LSD story? That would be newsworthy, don't you
think? Anybody think that? Just once, to hear a positive LSD story:
"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy
condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness
experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death,
life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves...
here's Tom with the weather.
No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something
about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly
about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you
don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great
time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone,
never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a
house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.
The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to
go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds
are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills
and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's
fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time
and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?"
And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say,
"Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a
ride." And we kill those people.
Bill Hicks
